I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a girl, I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is impossible and I’m retarded but I don’t care. I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons, and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.